Monday, November 9, 2009

Pets or Pests?

Are you a cat lover? You are? Okay, then we're enemies.

CATS. There's an arrogance about them. The way they ignore you when you call them. They do what they want, when they want. How is there even a comparison to dogs? Dogs are eager to please, they want to love you, they want to get that stick for you, they want to protect you, they want to sit when you tell them to, and will do anything for treat, everything to show you what a good and wonderful dog they are...

And cats? Cats calculate. They're selfish. They'll never fetch a stick for you because in their little cat minds they say to themselves, "What did you throw that stick for? I'm not getting it." And yet, when they're hungry or thirsty, suddenly they sidle up to you, rubbing against your leg, wanting to be friends. What kind of friend is that? Should we reward such manipulative behaviour? Nay. I have allergies to them, hubster has allergies to them, and they are just everywhere on the compounds. Some of them are even aggressive, following you, meowing at you for your entire evening walk. They are unresponsive to hissing, stomping, shouting, water, flip flops, and jabs with crutches. The other day, I got a picture of these PESTS. See what lazy animals they are when they're fed?! You SEE?!

My solution: feed them to the dogs.



ants said...

All this time growing up together, I had no idea we were going to be forced to become bitter enemies! I grew up with an allergic reaction to cats, only to later grow out of it and marry a wonderful woman with a cat. I've grown quite attached to the ginger hairball, so you leave me no choice but to pledge my allegiance with the Nation of Cat Owners.

I'm so sad! I thought we were going to be friends forever!

Orchidthief said...

okay okay...we'll break the code just for you!

ants said...


IamSilla said...

hahah cats r cute, but dogs slight 7ram dats da problem